"Donald Trump is so annoying that … " — a joke that got ink in The Style Invitaitonal … in 1993. (Bob Staake /for The Washington Post ) By Pat Myers By Pat Myers February 16 at 11:09 AM Follow @PatMyersTWP
(Click here to skip down to the winning trash-tweets about historical figures)
All from Style Invitational Week 21, August 1993:
The White House staff is so inexperienced that it has never “been” with another staff. (Meg Sullivan)
D.C. streets are so badly maintained they have more potholes than Jerry Garcia’s sofa. (Robin Grove)
You have a golden opportunity to win this lovely mug, this week's second prize. (Pat Myers/The Washington Post )
Donald Trump is so annoying that Amnesty International wants him beaten and locked up. (Tom Gearty)
When the results of this week’s contest run, The Style Invitational will have turned 24 years old. And since Week 1 — in virtually every kind of contest we’ve come up with — entrants to the Invite have always figured out a way to slip in zingy jokes about politics, celebrities and whatever else was grabbing headlines that week. This week the Empress reprises a contest we hadn’t done since Year 1. The results then were almost all about current events — but as you see above, some of them have proved remarkably long-lived, even if they were referring to the start of the Clinton administration and some loudmouth casino mogul. This week: Write a humorous exaggeration in the form “x is so y that . . . ” as in the examples above.
WEEK 1214 UPDATE: The Empress was alerted a few days ago by alert non-Loser Rich Strimel that the transcript of the inaugural address we’re using for the Week 1214 contest contained a typo: It said “they will their heart”; it should be “they fill their heart.” It’s now correct at bit.ly/trump-address. Deadline is still Tuesday night, Feb. 21.
Submit entries at this website: bit.ly/enter-invite-1215 (all lowercase).
Winner gets the Inkin’ Memorial, the Lincoln statue bobblehead that is the official Style Invitational trophy. Second place gets a little white toilet-shaped mug promoting “King of Thrones,” a 2013 cable series on bathroom renovations that was so quickly forgotten, it lacks a Wikipedia entry. Donated by WaPo TV critic Hank Stuever, who knows what to do with promotional toilet mugs that come his way. AND the E will toss in “Rattlesnake Poop” (chocolate-covered sunflower seeds), donated by Cheryl Davis, AND “Moose Droppings” (little chocolate nuggets), donated by Duncan Stevens.
Other runners-up win the yearned-for “This Is Your Brain on Mugs” Loser mug or our Grossery Bag, “I Got a B in Punmanship.” Honorable mentions get one of our new lusted-after Loser magnets, “No Childishness Left Behind” or “Magnum Dopus.” First Offenders receive only a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink for their first ink). Deadline is Monday night, Feb. 27; results published March 19 (online March 16). See general contest rules and guidelines at wapo.st/InvRules. The headline for this week’s results is by Tom Witte; the honorable-mentions subhead is by Jeff Contompasis. Join the lively Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at on.fb.me/invdev. “Like” Style Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook at bit.ly/inkofday; follow @StyleInvite on Twitter.
The Style Conversational The Empress’s weekly online column, published late Thursday afternoon, discusses each new contest and set of results. Especially if you plan to enter, check it out at wapo.st/styleconv.
And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . .
YOUR TWEETING HAR: REPORT FROM WEEK 1211
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In Week 1211, inspired by, oh, I don’t know, we asked for disparaging tweets of celebrated historical or literary figures. Some of the inking entries below were “written” by particular people; if there isn’t an attribution, think of them as coming from any old time-warped (and otherwise warped) shallow narcissist with a ridiculous sense of perspective.
@OskarSchindler so inept! Factories lost money. Freeloader “workers” didn’t build munitions. On my weak list. (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.)
If @Muhammad is such a big deal, why isn’t his picture on any coins? Not to mention six-foot portraits. (Kevin Dopart, Washington)
2nd place and the Fishin’ for Floaters bathtub game:
@VladP 1/20/17: Take that, @Jim Henson. #TheRealPuppetMaster (Jesse Frankovich, Lansing, Mich.)
And the winner of the Inkin’ Memorial:
Looks like @TheMessiah’s getting delusions of grandeur. Thinks he’s @RealDonaldTrump. (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.)
Social notwork: honorable mentions
Can’t believe @TJefferson spent $15M on Louisiana Territory! Very bad deal. Should have just grabbed it and made France pay. (Gil Glass, Washington)
@ALincoln, so low-energy! 4 scores in 7 years? LAME! I can do better at one pageant! (Sean Doherty, Silver Spring, Md., a First Offender)
Such a nasty woman, @Cleopatra. A real snake! Nice asp, though. (Chris Doyle, Denton, Tex.; Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)
Clueless @Julius turned into Caesar salad, blames @2Brutus. Still won’t call it by its name: Radical Pre-Islamic Terrorism. (Gary Crockett)
Hey, @LudwigVB, I hear you wrote another symphony. Too bad YOU can’t. #okbadjoke (Edmund Conti, Raleigh)
Hey @DurgCaveman, you fire no big as me fire. GOL! #ThargBestKnuckleDragger (Jesse Frankovich)
My @ColCusterCavalry is biggest! My secret plan is the best. I have greatest hair ever. #SittingBulls–t will FAIL! (Art Grinath, Takoma Park, Md.)
Delusional @Dorothy. Icky farmhand fantasies. And that mangy mutt! #lockhimup — @ThE_Gulch (Kevin Dopart)
Dim bulb @TAEdison tries 9,000th filament, still nothing. I win historic victory with #gaslighting. (Gary Crockett)
@Edward VII, big league loser. Gave up throne for some p*. Throne GETS you p*, dumb duke! (Lynne Larkin, Vero Beach, Fla.)
Hey @mc_escher, I’m in your building but can’t seem to make it up these damn stairs. Something is *@&( up. #NotUpToCode (Jeff Brechlin, Apple Valley, Minn.)
@FrodoBaggins wasted perfectly good jewelry by throwing it in a volcano. Give it to Goodwill and get the tax break! #dramaqueen (Duncan Stevens)
@Gandh i u 2 skinny bra #haveaburger (Jamie Johnson, Fayetteville, W.Va., a First Offender)
Some POTUS @GWashington turns out 2 be! There goes another silver $ into the river. #taxandspend — @Grover_Norquift (Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.)
You’ve gotta see this @FDR guy — what a lame leader. Lets his aides push him around. Wife is a 2. Pathetic. (Marleen May, Rockville, Md.)
Saw @HelenKeller today. Called & waved to her but no acknowledgment. Rude! Democrat? (Larry McClemons, Annandale, Va.)
Just 5K people, @Jesus? You even gave out fish sandwiches. My crowd 10,000x bigger — see the photo. (Hugh Thirlway, The Hague)
Failing fiddler @JoshuaBell plays in train stations, makes just $32! Embarrassing. (Alison Candela, Rockville, Md., a First Offender)
Overrated @Gehrig “luckiest man”? Sorry, buddy, that position’s been filled. (Rob Huffman, Fredericksburg, Va.)
Only 1 life to give for his country? @Nathan Hale has no stamina! (Frank Mann, Washington; Elliott Shevin, Oak Park, Mich.)
@OliverTwist always asking for more handouts! Welfare prince exploits hard-working job creators. (Duncan Stevens)
@Shakespeare: All codpiece and naught but the limpest cod. – @SirFrancisBacon (Jeff Hazle, San Antonio)
@Spidey sense? If he had any sense, he’d clear the webs from his head and finally boink Mary Jane. (Roger Dalrymple, Gettysburg, Pa.)
@Sun Tzu says the supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting. Wuss. — @GenghisK (Chris Doyle)
Rough Rider? Please, @TRoosevelt. @CatherineTheGr8 could ride better upside down and backwards. — @VPutin (Jeff Hazle)
Hey, @Yoda, why can’t you use #TheForce to help you speak properly? Because stupid you sound. (Todd DeLap, Fairfax)
@RealFDR, 12/5/1941: Emperor @Hirohito is totally overrated! More like ZEROhito. (Eric LeVasseur, Seal Beach, Calif., a First Offender)
@AlmightyGod takes foreverrr to get to work, then quits in 6 days. All the shows say he’s over. — @Lucifer (Kevin Dopart)
@Hemingway sober up and maybe then you could write a sentence of more than six words before nodding off — @JamesJoyce
@JamesJoyce, it’s called punctuation. Try it some time. Ulysses = best doorstop I never read. — @Hemingway (John Hutchins, Silver Spring, Md.)