For conspiracy theorists, Lord Lucan: My Husband, The Truth (ITV) might have been a disappointment
Of course, the truth often is. Candid and lengthy though the interview with 79 year-old Lady Lucan was, it entertained few doubts – in fact, it barely mentioned them. The sightings of the missing Earl in Africa, the rumours about hitmen and the stories about Lucan’s children visiting their father in hiding received no airtime.
They are probably all hogwash in any case but that wasn’t why they were not mentioned. To those interested in the story, Lady Lucan is a conundrum. She lives in a mews house close to where, as far as official verdicts go, her estranged husband murdered his children’s nanny and violently attacked his wife one November night in 1974.
She is often described as reclusive but that might just mean she doesn’t talk to the media. She also has no contact with her three children, having struggled to look after them in the wake of what happened.
If she did not discuss the possibility of her children having had contact with Lucan after his disappearance, or of his “friends” having hidden and bankrolled him, it was because she would not have known if they were true anyway. Last night recalled the inquest in 1975, where Lady Lucan had testified clearly and precisely in a cut-off, detached fashion.
When she was asked back then why her skull had not fractured if Lord Lucan had allegedly struck it several times with a cosh, she replied: “Good breeding”.
She seemed the same woman now, describing sad, lonely and often awful events as if they had happened to someone else. She was adamant her husband had committed suicide soon after his disappearance and when the interviewer reminded her she had said something different in 1982, she was only slightly surprised.
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The whole interview was an eerie encounter but also, at times, surprisingly warm. Lady Lucan almost chuckled when asked how the Earl had compared to her other lovers and though she also spoke of beatings and concerted attempts to ruin her sanity, at times she seemed to pity the man she had married.
Some of his friends had not been friends, she thought, just exploiters. Somewhat theatrically, at another point, she repeated the interviewer’s question. “Cold?
All my relationships are cold.” So too is the trail of the missing Earl but as this programme proved, that has never been the real mystery. Food Unwrapped Summer Diet Special (C4) sent Kate Quilton to health-crazed Los Angeles, where you can buy a drink containing more than a trillion health-promoting bacteria for $25.
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The drink’s name, Outrage, suggests they have a certain sense of humour about it, although the vox pop interviews with health store customers were deadly, earnest and off-the-wall.
“You eat the rainbow and you are the rainbow,” whispered one lady, forgetting that due to the way digestion works, after eating rainbows and being them, there comes an inevitable third stage.
As the programme explained, this is the issue with many costly bacteria drinks. You might as well not bother. “Do you have cryotherapy in England, where you freeze your body in a pod for two minutes?” asked another lady. Why bother with that when you have got British summertime?